Death and dying

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One of life's passage moments is death. At least one class period of SNU's Ministry, Church and Society course will be given to the issue of death and dying.

Here's some suggestions on ministry to a dying person

How to be with a dying person

Americans often avoid everything about death, including those who are most rapidly approaching it. That's sad because Barney Spivack, director of Geriatric Medicine for the Stamford (Connecticut) Health System, says, "In all my years of working with dying people, I've never heard one say 'I want to die alone.'" Dying people are greatly comforted by the company of others. The benefit of a visit far outweighs whatever awkwardness there may be.

6 "don'ts" for visitors to the dying

1. Don't stay away.

Get close physically. Sit at eye level. Don't be afraid to touch. The physical presence of another human being is a powerful comfort and source of strength.

2. Don't overpower the person by babbling.

Let the dying person set the conversational pace. Don't be afraid of silence.

3. Don't contradict someone or abruptly change the subject when they say they are going to die.

There's nothing unhealthy about accepting approaching death. So, listen and empathize. Allow the person to express anger, guilt, and/or fear without feeling you're supposed to "fix" things.

4. Don't take over all the decision-making.

Empower the dying person to make decisions for as long as possible. Avoiding talking about unfinished business is not going to postpone death. Ask: "Who can I contact for you?" Remember, of course, that we can never tie up all the loose ends in life.

5. Don't avoid talking about the past.

Reminisce about happy memories. Don't suppress laughter just because a doctor says death is just around the corner.

6. Don't miss opportunities to express love or to say goodbye.

Remember: there may not be a tomorrow.

Based on material in "The Ultimate Emotional Challenge" by Louise Lague, published in "Start the Conversation," a pull-out section in Modern Maturity, September-October 2000.

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Howard Culbertson, Southern Nazarene University, 6729 NW 39th, Bethany, OK 73008  |  Phone: 405-491-6693 - Fax: 405-491-6658
Copyright © 2000, 2001 - Last Updated: October 13, 2005 |  URL: http://home.snu.edu/~hculbert/death.htm