Conflict management styles and strategies

What is the best way to deal with conflict?

How to manage conflict between individuals and between groups: Styles, approaches, and specific action steps.

Jesus' model for maintaining relationships:

Don't ignore conflict. Confront it.
Don't abandon conflict. Pursue it to resolution.
Don't exaggerate conflict. Solve it with as little publicity and public scrutiny as possible.
Don't fence yourself in when conflict occurs. Stay open to correction and reproof.
Don't recycle conflict. Once it's resolved, let it go.

— based on material by Bruce Barton in the "Matthew" section of Life Application Bible Commentary

Improving group dynamics when conflict occurs

"I plead with Euodia, and I plead with Syntyche to agree with each other in the Lord." — Philippians 4:2

Peacemaking: Tips for identifying and managing conflicts

Team unity: Five conflict-management approaches or techniques

Missionaries get into conflict with each other. Pastors and lay people get into conflict. Volunteers in ministry organizations find themselves in conflict. Human relations managers in businesses often find themselves managing situations of interpersonal conflict.

How can you manage disagreements in ways that build personal and collegial relationships rather than harming them? Such disagreements or conflicts can occur between individuals or between groups of people. Here are five strategies from conflict management theory for managing stressful situations. No one of them is a "one-size-fits-all" solution. Which one is the best in a given situation will depend on a variety of factors, including an appraisal of the level of conflict.

Collaborating: win/win
Compromising: win some/lose some
Accommodating: lose/win
Competing: win/lose
Avoiding: no winners/no losers

Collaborating

I win, you win

Symbol: Owl

Fundamental premise: Teamwork and cooperation help everyone achieve their goals while also maintaining relationships.

Strategic philosophy: The process of working through differences will lead to creative solutions that will satisfy both parties' concerns.

When to use:

When there is a high level of trust
When you don't want to have full responsibility
When you want others to also have "ownership" of solutions
When the people involved are willing to change their thinking as more information is found and new options are suggested
When you need to work through animosity and hard feelings

Drawbacks:

The process takes time and energy.
Some may exploit other people's trust and openness.

Compromising

You bend, I bend

Symbol: Fox

Fundamental premise: Winning something while losing a little is OK.

Strategic philosophy: Both ends are placed against the middle in an attempt to serve the "common good" while making sure each person can maintain something of their original position.

When to use:

When people of equal status are equally committed to goals
When time can be saved by reaching intermediate settlements on individual parts of complex issues
When goals are moderately important

Drawbacks:

Important values and long-term objectives can be derailed in the process
May not work if initial demands are too great
Can spawn cynicism, especially if there's no commitment to honor the compromise solutions

Accommodating

I lose, you win

Symbol: Teddy Bear

Fundamental premise: Working toward a common purpose is more important than any of the peripheral concerns; the trauma of confronting differences may damage fragile relationships

Strategic philosophy: Appease others by downplaying conflict. It tries to protects the relationship

When to use:

When an issue is not as important to you as it is to the other person
When you realize you are wrong
When you are willing to let others learn by mistake
When you know you cannot win
When it is not the right time, and you would prefer to simply build credit for the future
When harmony is incredibly important
When what the parties have in common is a good deal more important than their differences

Drawbacks:

One's own ideas don't get attention.
Credibility and influence can be lost.

Competing

I win, you lose

Symbol: Shark

Fundamental premise: Associates "winning" a conflict with competition.

Strategic philosophy: When goals are seriously important, one must sometimes use power to win.

When to use:

When you know you are right
When time is short, and a quick decision is needed
When a strong personality is trying to steamroller you, and you don't want to be taken advantage of
When you need to stand up for your rights

Drawbacks:

Can escalate conflict
Losers may retaliate

Avoiding

No winners, no losers

Symbol: Turtle

Fundamental premise: This isn't the right time or place to deal with this issue

Strategic philosophy: Avoids conflict by withdrawing, sidestepping, or postponing

When to use:

When the conflict is small, and relationships are at stake
When you're counting to ten to cool off
When more important issues are pressing, and you feel you don't have time to deal with this particular one
When you have no power, and you see no chance of getting your concerns met
When you are too emotionally involved, and others around you can solve the conflict more successfully than you can
When more information is needed

Drawbacks:

Important decisions may be made by default.
Postponing taking action may make matters worse.

"What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you?" -- James 4:1

Note: This is a do-as-I-say,-not-as-I-do page. Even on my good days, I can explain how to mediate and resolve conflict better than I can actually do it. 🙂

-- Howard Culbertson,

Afterword: Ten Things That Cause Conflict

Interpersonal conflict can arise from a variety of factors. Here are ten of them:

People have different viewpoints, values, and beliefs, This can lead to clashes if differences are not understood and respected.
Competition for limited resources such as money, land, power, or opportunities can lead to conflict as individuals or groups vie for access or control.
Poor communication or misunderstandings can escalate into conflicts.
Personal egos, pride, and the desire to assert dominance or superiority can lead to conflicts, particularly if there are perceived threats to someone's status or reputation.
Past injustices, societal inequalities, and ingrained discrimination can create tension that boil up into conflicts.
Uneasiness about someone else's position or identity can fuel conflict with individuals acting defensively or even aggressively to protect themselves or their interests.
Social interactions within a group, including peer pressure and ingroup/outgroup biases, can exacerbate conflicts.
Conflicts can result as marginalized groups challenge or seek to overturn existing power inequality structures.
Indifference to others' feelings, points of view, experiences, and needs can prevent people from resolving conflicts peacefully.
Individual emotional elements such as personality traits, past trauma or unresolved conflicts can influence how people respond to and engage in situations of interpersonal conflict.

Conflusion: Conflict is normal in human interaction. Understanding the underlying causes and handling them through empathy, negotiation, and conflict resolution strategies can help lessen the negative impacts of conflict. That course of action may even lead to some semblance of harmony and cooperation.

Acrostic: Conflict -- Resolving It

C – Communicate openly and honestly.
O – Offer empathy and understanding.
N – Navigate through differences with patience.
F – Foster mutual respect and trust.
L – Listen actively without interrupting.
I – Identify common goals and interests.
C – Collaborate on creative solutions.
T – Take steps toward reconciliation.