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Ten ways to avoid becoming a missionary

"My wife and I are considering church-planting on a foreign field. Your 10 ways to avoid becoming a missionary are very challenging."
   — John C., Indiana

Stay away! Steer clear! Weasel out of it!

A tongue-in-cheek or humorous list of sure-fire ways to avoid becoming a crdoss- cultural, expatriate Christian missionary

To avoid winding up as a foreign missionary . . .

  1. Ignore Jesus' request in John 4:35 that we take a long hard look at the fields. Seeing the needs of people can be depressing and very unsettling. It could lead to genuine missionary concern.
    (John 4:35 "Do you not say, `Four months more and then the harvest'? I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest." For other Bible passages on missions, click here)
  2. Focus your energies on socially legitimate targets. Go after a bigger salary. Focus on getting a job promotion, a bigger home, a more luxurious car, or future financial security. Along the way, run up some big credit card debts. [ ready feet . . . ]
  3. Get married to somebody who thinks the "Great Commission" is what your employer gives you after you make a big sale. After marriage, embrace the socially-accepted norms of settling down, establishing a respectable career trajectory and raising a picture-perfect family.
  4. Stay away from missionaries. Their testimonies can be disturbing. The situations they describe will distract you from embracing whole-heartedly the materialistic lifestyle of your home country.
  5. If you happen to think about missions, restrict your attention to countries where it's impossible to openly do missionary work. Think only about North Korea, Saudi Arabia, China and other closed countries. Forget the vast areas of our globe open to missionaries. Never, never listen to talk about creative access countries.
  6. Think how bad a missionary you would be based on your own past failures. It is unreasonable to expect you will ever be any better. Don't even think about Moses, David, Jonah, Peter or Mark, all of whom had to overcome serious failures. [ more on Jonah ]
  7. Always imagine missionaries as talented, super-spiritual people who stand on lofty pedestals. Maintaining this image of missionaries will heighten your own sense of inadequacy. Convincing yourself that God does not use ordinary people as missionaries will smother any guilt you may feel about refusing to even listen for a call from God. [ type of missionaries needed ]
  8. Agree with the people who tell you that you are indispensable where you are. Listen when they tell you that your local church or home country can't do without you. [ Apple pickers parable ]
  9. Worry incessantly about money. [ simple lifestyle ]
  10. If you still feel you must go, go out right away without any preparation or training. You'll soon be home again and no one can ever blame you for not trying!

Inspired by Stewart Dinnen's list in How are you doing? (Bromley: STL Books)

"I must put God and His vision ahead of my personal checklist" — Fred Fullerton, former director, Nazarene Youth International

Would you sign this?

Next"Count me in, Lord!" Would you sign the pledge? [ read more ]

Hearing God's call:    Borden: No regrets   Commitment    God calling you?   Pure heart, ready feet   Sign the pledge   Susan Fitkin's call

Parable: Society of Apple Pickers    Short-term mission trips    Are the "heathen" lost? Answers to an oft-asked question   10/40 Window explanation and map   Mission trip fundraising   Ten ways to ruin mission trips   Making entertainment choices   Nazarene Missions International resources

World missions course materials and syllabi

Cultural Anthropology    Introduction to Missions    Linguistics    Missions Strategies    Modern Missionary Movement (History of  Missions)    Nazarene Missions    Church Growth and Christian Missions    Theology of Missions    Traditional Religions    World Religions
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Howard Culbertson, 5901 NW 81st, Oklahoma City, OK 73132  |  Phone: 405-740-4149 - Fax: 405-491-6658

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