Adam and Eve's last name may have been Tate. I say that because churches are filled with members of the Tate family. Here's a humorous look at the Tate family members that may go to your church:
There's old man Dick Tate. He wants to run everything.
Mrs. Irri Tate tends to annoy people in Sunday school with her mannerisms and way of speaking.
Poten Tate wants to be a big shot.
UncleRo Tate tries to change everything regarding the church. "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" is not one of his favorite proverbs.
Miss Tate is a single cousin who distorts everything in the Bible.
Mu Tate is a strange person who never seems quite the same.
SisterAgi Tate is always stirring up trouble.
Little Levi Tate is full of energy. He never seems to be able to keep his feet on the ground.
Even a 5% chance of rain makes Uncle Precipi Tate carry his umbrella to church.
Commen Tate has an opinion on everything even things she knows nothing about.
Decapi Tate is even worse. It doesn't matter who's leading the church or one of its programs. He's always after whoever is in charge.
Grandfather Es Tate is also very controlling. He's always threatening to write the church out of his will when he doesn't like the way things are going.
Orien Tate latches on to new people and makes sure they are introduced to everyrone in church and know about upcoming events.
Debili Tate seems to cripple every good move the pastor makes.
Whenever someone proposes a service project or community outreach event, it's impossible to get Hesi Tate or his wife, Vege Tate, interested. They always say they'll get involved next time.
It's hard to carry on a coherent conversation with Disorien Tate. He jumps from one subject to another and seems really scatter-brained.
Anno Tatelikes to immediately write down new thoughts or insights or questions. The margins of books she reads (including her Bible) are filled with notes she has written.
Regurgi Tate always wants to bring something up again for a new vote.
Resusci Tate breathes new life into the church.
No Tate keep copious records of church business meetings.
Everything Fragmen Tate puts her hands on or gets involved in seems to fall to pieces.
There's Aunt Imi Tate who thinks her pastor ought to preach like her favorite TV preacher. She's also like for our music to be like that at a church she visited.
Devas Tate provides the voice of doom. He thinks he has the gift of prophecy.
No one has seen Apos Tate for a while. She just dropped out of sight.
Gravi Tate transferred her membership in from a neighboring church because she likes our preacher better. When a pastoral change comes along, she'll probably start looking around for another church.
Fortunately, there's Brother Facili Tate who is always helpful.
One happy, delightful member is Miss Felici Tate.
Sani Tate can be counted on when there's clean-up to be done in the church building.
While cousins Cogi Tate and Medi Tate always need to think things over; they are sure to lend helpful, steady hands.
Mili Tate always jumps in, ready to work.
Rehabili Tate helps run the church's activities.
Ace Tateis hard to figure out. He always has a kind of plastic smile and never seems to be bothered by anything.
Uncle Precipi Tate always predicts rain when the family is going on a trip
Grndmother Inters Tate is gone a lot since she likes to travel.
One member of the family introduces himself like this: "My name is PO TATE. I have all daughters.What more do you need to know? I am married to my Sweet Tater. My oldest daughter is my Spud. My youngest daughter is my Tater Tot."
The family even has a black sheep: Ampu Tate. He has completely cut himself off from the church because of some relatively minor (in terms of Kingdom values) dispute.
Thanks to James Tate, Dorrie Gardner, Bob Holub, and Linda Phipps who have given me additions to my original list. Do you know of any other members of the Tate family that I could add? E-mail me your Tate family jokes.
-- Howard Culbertson,
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