Adam and Eve's last name may have been Tate. I say that because churches are filled with members of the Tate family. Here's a humorous look at the Tate family members that may go to your church:
There's old man Dick Tate. He wants to run everything.
Mrs. Irri Tate tends to annoy people in Sunday school with her mannerisms and way of speaking.
Poten Tate wants to be a big shot.
Uncle Ro Tate tries to change everything regarding the church. "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" is not one of his favorite proverbs.
Miss Tate is a single cousin who distorts everything in the Bible.
Mu Tate is a strange person who never seems quite the same.
SisterAgi Tate is always stirring up trouble.
Little Levi Tate is full of energy. He never seems to be able to keep his feet on the ground.
Even a 5% chance of rain makes Uncle Precipi Tate carry his umbrella to church.
Commen Tate has an opinion on everything, even things she knows nothing about.
Decapi Tate is even worse. It doesn't matter who leads the church or one of its programs or groups. Decapi Tate is always after whoever is in charge.
Grandfather Es Tate is also very controlling. When he doesn't like the way things are going, he threatens to write the church out of his will.
Orien Tate latches on to new people and makes sure they are introduced to everyone in the church and that they know about upcoming events.
Debili Tate seems to cripple every good move the pastor makes.
Whenever someone proposes a service project or community outreach event, it's impossible to get Hesi Tate or his wife, Vege Tate, interested. They always say they'll get involved next time.
It's hard to carry on a coherent conversation with Disorien Tate. He jumps from one subject to another and seems really scatterbrained.
Anno Tate likes to immediately write down new thoughts, insights, and questions. The margins of books she reads (including her Bible) are filled with her written notes.
Regurgi Tate always wants to bring something up again for a new vote.
Resusci Tate breathes new life into the church.
No Tate keeps copious records of church business meetings.
Everything Fragmen Tate puts her hands on or gets involved in seems to fall to pieces.
There's Aunt Imi Tate who thinks her pastor ought to preach like her favorite TV preacher. She'd also like for our music to be like that at a church she recently visited.
Devas Tate provides the voice of doom. He thinks he has the gift of prophecy.
No one has seen Apos Tate for a while. She just dropped out of sight.
Gravi Tate transferred her membership from a neighboring church because she likes our preacher better. When our next pastoral change comes along, she'll probably start looking around for another church to attend.
Fortunately, there's Brother Facili Tate who is always helpful.
One happy, delightful member is Miss Felici Tate.
Sani Tate can be counted on when there's clean-up to be done in the church building.
While cousins Cogi Tate and Medi Tate always need to think things over, they are sure to lend helpful, steady hands.
Mili Tate always jumps in, ready to work.
Rehabili Tate helps run the church's activities.
Ace Tate is hard to figure out. He always has a plastic smile and never seems bothered by anything..
Uncle Precipi Tate always predicts rain when the family is going on a trip
Grandmother Inters Tate is gone a lot since she likes to travel.
One member of the family introduces himself like this: "My name is PO TATE. I have all daughters. What more do you need to know? I am married to my Sweet Tater. My oldest daughter is my Spud. My youngest daughter is my Tater Tot."
The family even has a black sheep: Ampu Tate. He has completely cut himself off from the church because of some relatively minor (in terms of Kingdom values) disputes.
Thanks to James Tate, Dorrie Gardner, Bob Holub, and Linda Phipps who have given me additions to my original list. Do you know of any other members of the Tate family that I could add? E-mail me your Tate family jokes.
-- Howard Culbertson,
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"The problem of our churches is that our Samsons — the folk who could have been mighty for God — blindly grope under the domination of the world. They have no joy, no testimony; they live in a world of bitter sorrow and regret." — T. M. Bamber