What MKs wish their supporting churches knew
- Missionary kids (MKs) often feel disconnected and
homesick when they return to their supporting churches, despite being warmly welcomed "home."
- MKs may not feel a deep relationship with their supporting
churches, even though they have been supported and prayed for since birth.
- When interacting with MKs, avoid assuming they are glad to
be "home" and instead acknowledge their homesickness.
- Building meaningful connections with MKs involves understanding their unique experiences
and interests, planning activities for bonding, and avoiding cliché phrases like "My, how
you've grown."
Perspective and words of advice from one who grew up in a missionary family
by Missionary Kid Ron Snell
This article appeared in the Evangelical
Missions Quarterly. © by Ron Snell, Used by permission
I sit in the middle of the back seat of a large green car -- a donated gas guzzler with rather
loose steering connections. I'm sitting way in the back with my younger sisters. Obviously, when
it was time to argue for the best seats for our ride to church, I lost.
They say that we are on home
assignment. That word "home" bothers me, though, because, as far as we kids are concerned,
"home" is the other country we just came from. But nobody understands that when we walk in the
door of the church.
"Welcome home," they say, gushing over their
missionaries. Dad and Mom greet them warmly, hug them, say how good it is to see them, and
introduce us: "Terry, Ronny, Sandy, Melody." Born in that order.
"My, how you've all grown," these greeters tell us for the skulzillionth time. We don't
remember ever seeing them before. To us, they are complete strangers, though we have been told
over and over again how important they are to our lives and to our parents' ministry of Bible
translation.
"They've supported us and prayed for you kids since you
were born," we were reminded this morning when we asked, "Do we have to go to
another church?" We want to try to be grateful, but we have no relationship with them deeper
than the pictorial church directory we get every couple of years. As a matter of fact, we don't
even know our aunts and uncles very well.
With big smiles, those people invite us to split up and go to different Sunday school classes.
Melody, the youngest, clings to Mom. The rest of us only look back longingly as we march
politely to separate classes. We know how to look confident and enthusiastic on the outside
because we've practiced at a dozen other churches. On the inside, however, we feel lonely,
inept, and uncool.
"Ronny, it's so good to have you today," says the
Sunday school teacher, who sat in Sunday school with my mother when they were both little
girls. "Come up to the front and tell the class a little bit about where you're from."
I did, talking about Peru where I grew up with the Machiguenga Indians. Kids look blank. At
12 years old, I had had the most interesting life of anyone sitting in the room: riding rafts down
wild rivers, helping care for dying Indians, climbing thorn trees in the dark to escape a herd of
stampeding peccaries, speaking three languages, teaching a Machiguenga man to read, eating
monkeys and macaws, and living life in the Amazon rainforest. I don't say much about any of
that because I know from long and painful experiences that these kids don't care very much. In
middle school, what they care about are each other's hair, clothes, and shoes. Most don't
have a clue where Peru is.
So how do you reach out to a missionary kid who is on home assignment?
For starters, let's just admit that it's not easy or natural. They come to you from a completely
different world and are going through a culture shock that
neither you nor they understand. Still, there are significant things you can do to help:
- Remember that those MKs aren't glad to be "home." They're homesick. They
may be the same skin color as you and speak perfect English, but they probably aren't terribly
loyal to America and probably even resent repeated comments that imply they're lucky to finally
be back in such a nice country. Do not ever say, "Aren't you glad to be home?" Instead,
Consider saying something like, "We're really glad to have you here, even though it must be
hard for you to be so far from home."
- When you know a missionary family is coming to your home for dinner or to your church, do
some homework. Look up the country map. Find out some things about the country. Prep your
own kids with meaningful questions to ask us, like "What are some of the ways you think
Peru is a better place to live than America?"
- Plan an activity for your kids and the missionary kids that gives them a chance to bond
without pressure or awkward tension. Try an activity that neither your kids nor the
MKs will have done before so they are both learning a new thing. MKs excel at new things, and
you will be making memories that provide a foundation for future relationships.
- When you meet MKs, don't assume that they know anything about you. As a part of your
introduction, tell something about yourself that they might remember: "I'm Martha Anderson.
I'm the one who sent the fruitcake that you hated."
- Never say, "My, how you've grown." My MK son wanted to make a T-shirt that said,
"My, how I've grown." It's a phrase we MKs all learn to hate.
Third-culture kids
 | Their experiences and heritage make missionary kids
part of a larger grouping called "third-culture kids." [ more
] |
-- Howard Culbertson,
Afterword: Examples of Mks
- Author Pearl Buck grew up in China where her parents were missionaries.
- Nazarene missions leader R. Franklin Cook grew up in Idia where his parents were
missionaries.
- Frank Dewey, a long-time missionary to India and Ukraine, grew up in India, where his
parents were missionaries.
- Shannon Ethridge, author and speaker in Christian circles, was the daughter of Don
Richardson, missionary to the Sawi people of Indonesia.
- Nazarene district superintendent Phil Fuller grew up in Italy where his parents were
missionaries
- Psychologist Rachele Floyd grew up in Italy and Haiti where her parents served as
missionaries.
- Ruth Bell Graham grew up in China where her parents served as Presbyterian medical
missionaries.
- Shirley Graham was the daughter of missionaries and spent her childhood in China. She later
became known as Shirley Graham Du Bois after marrying the prominent African-American
scholar and civil rights activist W. E. B. Du Bois.
- Construction contractor Scott Hannay grew up in Haiti where his parents were
missionaries
- Stephen Heap, a veteran missionary to Brazil, grew up in Central America where his parents
were missionaries.
- Nellie McClung was a Canadian suffragette, social reformer, and politician. She spent her
childhood in various locations in western Canada, where her father served as a Methodist
missionary.
- Jerry Porter, Nazarene district superintendent, missionary and general superintendent, was a
missionary kid.
- Missionary-to-Ecuador Dwight Rich grew up in Haiti where his parents were
missionaries.
- Harmon Schmelzenbach, the founder of Africa Nazarene University, was the son and
grandson of missionaries
- Steve Saint, son of missionary pilot Nate Saint, grew up in Ecuador among the Waodani tribe.
He later became known for his work with indigenous tribes in Ecuador and for co-founding
I-TEC (Indigenous People's Technology and Education Center).
- Carla Sunberg, Nazarene General Superintendent, grew up in Germany where her parents
were missionaries
- Ruth Tucker, an author and professor, spent her childhood as a missionary kid in
Guatemala.
- Physics professor Mark Winslow grew up in Taiwan where his parents were missionaries.
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