On the Announcement of My Father Going to War

My heart falls from my chest, artillery shell,

onto the floor,

and I want to reach for it

but it would only fall again.

Too much pain for tears to run,

Emotionless with emotion

I sink to the floor,

not far from my heart,

Together paralyzed.

My hands, disconnected,

grope motionlessly for answers

my brain on hold can't give.

Acid bile in my throat,

Teeth glued together,

I try to speak,

And nothing comes.

Scream. . .

My captor, release me.

Elbows weaken,

torso collapses,

and sorrow's grip is loosed.

All frozen, thaw.

The raging river of my tormented soul

destroys the norm

so precariously maintained so long.

Every tendon, sinew explodes within me

In fear and rage and longing,

Distressed, never to be absolved. . .

And in the world I contain

Grace disappeared

White doves were martyred

Olive branches withered

And my childhood pillaged,

I become my father's orphan.

by Lara Sloane