My Heart's List

My Heart's List

Jonathan Waughtal

I have seen men dance to a tune of a woman,

I have seen men give up their very existence for a woman.

I have seen men suppress their feelings till they literally explode with anguish.

I have seen men cut out their own heart so as not to feel anymore.

I have seen women take advantage of what they have.

I have seen women try to take advantage of what they don't have.

I have seen women spill their heart's blood, only to take it back through man's.

I have seen women's indifference and it sickens me.

I have seen women torn apart and running from themselves.

I see women…a desire I have.

I have seen myself beaten by the hands of my feelings.

I have seen myself beaten by the feelings of women.

I have seen myself beaten by the indifference of women.

I have seen myself bounce back countless times to die again.

I have seen myself grow further distant each time I come back.

I have seen myself erupt in anger and jealousy.

I have seen myself suppress feelings that are rightfully mine.

I have seen myself change through trust and pain.

I have seen myself lose my trust through pain.

I have seen my love grow to overflowing but harder to tap into.

I see all the past before me.

I see the future I want before me.

I see the present crisis of trust before.

I see myself angry with greed, jealousy, and love.

I see those around me with advice and knowing.

I see myself listening absorbing and mostly discarding.

I see myself cry to God for help.

I see myself blind to reality before me.

I see myself confined in the prison of my heart.

I see the battle for my life in the depths of my soul.

I see the way but laugh with a sardonic grin.

I see bitterness eating through me like a forest fire.

I see myself at the end of myself.

I see all avenues of man exhausted.

I see God holding me with arms of love and steel.

I see now…love hurts.

NATIVE TONGUES

Fall 1998/Spring 1999: Volume 8, Edition 1

Southern Nazarene University